Die großartigsten
Sprachzaubereien der
Welt. Außerdem: motiks
Kolumne über vieles,
anderes und den
ganzen Rest.

Die lesenswertesten Smoothie-Etiketten der Welt. Jeder, der findet, das sei gelogen, darf auf der Stelle Unfug aus dem Fenster schreien

 

Normalerweise müssen wir schimpfen und schimpfen und schimpfen über diese Chefs, die meinen, alles selber machen zu müssen. Da kommen dann Wortverbrechen und so schlimme Sachen wie die Skye-Werbung dabei raus. Es gibt aber Ausnahmen und der König der Ausnahmen ist die Innocent GmbH. Wo auch immer sie diese famosen Menschen aufgetrieben haben, die solche Texte schreiben können, ich ziehe den Hut. Weil die besten der Etikettierungswunder sich vor meiner Kamera fürchten und im Untergrund leben, klebe ich ein paar von ihnen noch zwischen die, die sich freizügig vor mir entblättert haben. Schaut hin, ihr schnarchenden Langweiler von der Fruchttrunk-Konkurrenz, so wird’s gemacht:

 

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

 

„Klitzekleine Kobolde haben die Cranberries in diesem Smoothie gepflückt.

Wir haben es erst mit Zwergen versucht, aber ihre Finger waren zu groß für

die zarten kleinen Beeren. Danach haben wir es mit Gnomen probiert, aber

die haben die Cranberries gegessen und Grimassen geschnitten.

So haben wir unsere Kobolde von zuhause mitgebracht. Nun müssen wir

leider selbst die Wäsche machen und den Boden wischen, aber für dich stecken

die leckersten Cranberries in diesem Smoothie. Es gibt kein Opfer, dass wir nicht

gerne für dich bringen. Und jetzt hilf uns bitte mit dem Abwasch.“

 

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

 

„Ich träume. Von singenden Fischen. Von grauen Mäusen in neongrünen

Webpelzen auf dem Weg zu einer Beerdigung. Von 1000 Spatzen, die einen

Mähdrescher durch eine Bahnhofshalle steuern. Von einem Marzipanhasen,

der sich mit einem Jäger ein Schnitzel teilt. Von zwei Portionen Obst in

einer Flasche. Von einem federleichten Elefanten im Tütü, der auf

leuchtenden Himbeeren tanzt. Und von gepunkteten Zebras mit Zahnspangen,

die auf dem Kirchturm eine Kissenschlacht veranstalten.

Ich träume und hoffe, dass irgendwas davon wahr wird.“

 

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

 

„Jeder Baum der Alphonso Mango kann bis zu 1000 kg Früchte tragen.

Das sind etwa 3500 Mangos, aus denen wir über 7000 Smoothies machen

können. 1000 kg ist auch das Gewicht eines kleinen Nilpferds oder eines

Fiat Punto (ohne die Wildecker Herzbuben an Bord). Interessanterweise

darf man in unserem Aufzug in Fruit Towers maximal 1000 kg transportieren.

Also müssen wir uns zwischen den Mangos oder dem Nilpferd entscheiden.

Mangos oder Nilpferd. Mangos oder Nilpferd. So oder so, es gibt keinen Platz

für die Wildecker Herzbuben.“

 

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

 

„Die Mitglieder der Gewerkschaft der kleingemixten Bananen gehen in Streik.

Die Gründe: 1. Eine halbe von uns muss die Arbeit von neun Erdbeeren erledigen.

2. Wir werden immer an den Boden der Flasche gedrückt. 3. Der Smoothie hat die Farbe

der Erdbeeren. Wir werden nicht wahrgenommen. Wir verlangen, dass der Name dieses

Rezepts auf Banane & Erdbeere geändert wird, der Smoothie gelb wird und letztendlich:

dass gleich viele Erdbeeren und Bananen in eine Flasche gemixt werden. Mehr Macht

den Bananen.“

 

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

Innocent Smoothies Etiketten

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